So, here we are at Monday again. A few things on my mind.
First off, I am thinking about writing something about grief. One thing I have found is that so many books out there talk about grief, but it’s always about grief for others. What I am interested in is how to grieve for the self. One thing about PTSD as a nurse (or any other such profession) is that it is a great loss of self to go from a higher than normal level of functioning to someone who can barely function at all. During this process, my entire sense of self has had to change, as I adapt to my new circumstances. There are many times when I’m not sure who I even am anymore. I understand that the military does grief counselling for those who have lost limbs in combat for much the same reason. It aids in helping people to redefine themselves and to realize that different does not mean useless.
Last week was also unusual in that my LTD provider actually sent me money EARLY this month. Almost too early, as it may now be five weeks or more before I receive benefits again. Not only that, but they actually overpaid me. This is a very strange situation.
I also have not heard from my publisher. I sent my approval for the book cover right away, but it doesn’t look like they have even noticed yet. Hope I hear something today. I want to keep this moving along.
Last week, I started reaching out for help with my next project. This will be a work of fiction, just to mix it up a little. I was going to go to the courthouse to do some research (it’s going to be a courtroom drama), but couldn’t go inside. Damn anxiety. For those of you that are not aware, one of my biggest triggers is new places. I just stood at the courtroom door, afraid to go in. Not sure how I am going to proceed with this. I am usually ok, if I am with someone I trust. I may need to find someone to go with me, but how many people are going to want to sit in a courtroom with me all day. Boring.
